Anorexia & Life

Some days i feel like killing people... some days i feel like killing myself.
Im sick to death of people, everyone. even the people i dont know!
I hadnt been out of the house for a week or so.. not even in the back garden.
I venture to the hospital to find out when my appointment is then to the highstreet,
i cant seem to understand what peoples problems are? or is it me who has a problem?
I try avoid eye contact with random passers by.... i look at the floor or pick my nails or somthing
but somtimes i look up and they smile at me...  WHY? WHY ARE YOU SMILING AT ME.
I pale n ill looking with skanky hair and my clothes arnt exactly the best looking either so what the fuck
are these people smiling at me for? they dont know me. I dont look happy so bloody leave me alone =(
it spins me out, confuses me, makes me feel anxious and on edge like theyre judging me but i not sure what on.

Most people would be happy to be pregnant and be making the most of it but me.... its like im unable to get my head around it all =( I do want this baby but im scared and anxious and im not even sure if im capable of being a mum. I cant even stand to look after myself properly. :(
Im so worried ill end up hurting it in a fit of rage or depression. When things get too much n i feel i cant go on.... :( what am i going to do. im so worried.   Im a nut job but evenyone thinks im doing so well because now im eating 'properly'... like a normal person. im getting fat! FATT! i dont want to be fat... eugh. my psych at northgate is shit is well.. she just seems to fob me off all the time like with my medical examinations... i want to punch her face in to be fair. she needs to do her fucking job properly