Okay, so im pregnant with shanes baby, not sure how far along i am yet because i haven't had my first scan. I plan on keeping it as i dont agree with abortions unless the baby is conceived through rape or something of the sort. ANYWAYS, shane said hes over the moon about it, super happy n all that. THEN saturday just gone i found a message convo on facebook from a girl saying how she misses him and wants some cuddles n that she will come pick him up and cook him stake ect ect even though she knows me and shane are together and have been the past 2years and also were no having a little family. BUT that doesnt stop tarty slaggy girls trying it on with my boyfriend :( It really tore me up inside, really i thought as im pregnant shane would be all mine, would be happy about it all and wouldnt even look at another girl let alone plan on meeting up with one to be cooked for! My heart is shattered more than it has ever been... i didnt realise you could endure so much heartache over and over and over again! is it possible for a broken heart to be broken & broken again? like smashed into minuscule pieces so much its slowly disintegrating. EUUGGHH :( i dont know what to do. i feel so stuck because i love him but i cant keep going on like this. keep forgiving him over and over again just for him to do it again and again :'( im so worried about the future. I have ups and downs like im bi-polar. i was okayish this morning but within the past few seconds ive fallen below rock bottom! i cant hardly see what the fuck im typeing because im crying so hard :( i just want to excape all this shit and be alone! :( just want things to change. i want someone to prove to me that i am worth it. That i shouldnt be lied to and hurt over and over again. My trust issues are ridiculous, i hate females even more now... i just cant find it in myself to trust them or anyone. im either manically depressed or 5 above rage where im threating to kill people, where i seriously feel like i could strangle someone and listen to them choke and slowly suffocate to death... struggling to get away from my grip ='( why am i like this???? why do i deserve all the lies n hurt?? WHY?
