anxiety...

I have messed everything up with me and shane.
hes fed up and stressed with me n my stupid problems :( I knew that within time he would get fed up with me n leave me because he doesnt understand why im so fucked in the head. He is the only person who i feel safe with. Somtimes i get so depressed i just cant see past all the negative shit n i soppose shane doesnt know what to do to help me.
Hes going to leave me n i cant do anything about it! How can i make things better when im the problem? My paranoia and anxiety ALLLL the time is just telling me hes cheating, hes not telling the truth, he says hes loves me but does he? How can he love a disgusting waste of space like me?
i dont understand. i wish life was simple, without problems that ruin every part of your life....

:'( i just wish he could see how much i need him. How much i care and love him.... if he left me, it will be my own fult and the only punishment for loseing him is to die. I wont have nothing to live for...
                                                                     lets hope. xx