love is broken

i cant do anything right.. even when i try my hardest, i always fail!
i love shane yet hes  broken my heart into a million small fucked up akelittle pieces.
I cant seem to pull myself back together this time.
Im good at pretending nothing has ever happened, smile and put all the thoughts to the back of my mind.
I hate my face and this body... i hate everything about myself so its difficult to let anyone close.
Worried about what he might think... worried that his previous girlfriends were beautiful and perfect :'(
Im no match to them :( I had so much trust in him just because he made me feel worth the time, i was happy.
Hes been talking to a few girls through facebook...
I hate myself because its all my own fault.... If i were prettier, thinner, smarter and did everything right he wouldnt need to go find other girls :'(
He says hes sorry and didnt think about what he was doing.
I want to leave him because im scared of it happening agen, i wont be able to cope :'(
but i love him and know i would never find anyone as good as him :(
im so confused. i feel like a fat disgusting shit fucked up girlfriend.

ive got ashit load of prozac, escitalopram, venlafaxine and diazipam...
Im no longer scared of death because i know its getting closer and theres nothing i can do to stop it.
I want to close my eyes and sleep forever... i wish shane could see how im struggling and come save me :( :'( :'(