Why?

I begining to think that nothing will ever change for me... 

I look at other people and envy how they seem to be problem-free. 

I would give anything to feel accepted, pretty, thin and in-control.

This isnt my life im living... Im controlled by my disorders rules.

Its difficult to try explain how im feeling when i cant find the words to describe it. 

Its slowly devouring me from inside - out yet theres nothing i can do to stop it. 

I Hurt everyone around me, I shut everyone out and lock my feelings away. 

I hate pretending that im 'okay', Pretending to smile...

I want to be Happy But this Eating Disorder isnt letting me  :( 

Its a constant reminder, all day, everyday.

''You cant eat that, Imagin the calories!' 

''Imaginwhat People think when they see you stuffing your face!''
''Once on the lips, Forever ont he Hips''

''Binge, Purge, Binge, Purge.....''

''Fat Stupid ugly failiure''

I have the most amazing boyfriend that im so greatful for...

He has a way of being able to make me smile even when im soo low.

He makes me smile even when im down & depressed. 

If i didnt have duffy, I wouldnt have anything :(

One day i will Get pass Anorexia & Bulimia and hopefully

make duffy Happy... return all this help hes given me. 

-x-