:(

feels like im getting no where...
might be pregnant.. i dont wana get rid of it :'(
last year i had to have an abortion on the 15th july 2010.
EVERYDAY i think about it... its always on my mind, how awful i am for killing it...
what a sick fucked up nasty person i am :'(
i want to make up for it... but now, shane doesnt want a baby and i have to go through it again.
:'( i feel so horrible. so disgusted with myself for beiliving shane when he said he wanted a baby...
to hear him say after ''i only said it because i saw how upset you were about everything''
pretty much to keep me happy for a while until he realised what he had done n started worrieing.
i love him so much :'( i want to move out and have a house and a baby with him.
i want him to be happy and to love me :'(
i dont know what to do anymore, im ruining his life with all my problems :'(
I just want to get better and be NORMAL!
not this horrible fat manic fucked up girl who wants everything she cant have n whos paranoid and worries everyday without fail :(


i need help but i feel it doesnt work no more.
its ground into me, to always feel this way :(