Ana: ''Take a handful of pretty pills & down a bottle of vodka. Nobody wants you or needs you here, you should have been aborted as soon as your mother found out she was pregnant with you, Its not her fult your such a digusting fucked up failiure. I have never seen someone so ugly... It doesnt end there though does it? No! You have so much fat hanging onto your bones You will never EVER get rid of it. How long has it been now? 4years and yet youve lost no weight. You gained. Its all your good at. All youve ever been good at is Eating... Stuffing you fat face, so much that you feel sick to the point that you feel like your side seams will split. Im here. Ive been here all along, Ive been watching you eat and eat and eat. You are a disapointment, i feel sorry for your parents and so called friends. You know deep down in your heart that your bringing shame upon your family and friends. STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF! your hurting these people, Making them feel sick just looking at you. Dont cry, people wont care. The sympathy wont help you now, even if someone wanted to help you, they wouldnt be able to because im keeping ahold of you. There is no way out... You wanted me. You were asking for me to come and now you dont want me here? Im your friend. Everyone else is only around because they feel sorry for you. God knows why... you dont deserve anything. You dont deserve Food, Water, friends, family, You should be dead already. so why arnt you? Hurry up.... put everyone out of theyre misery. Youve ruined lives. All because you are FAT.''
I hear this ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ everyday. all day. maybe diffrent words but it all adds up to be the same.... Khloi = fat failiure. When i try explain about the 'voice' it never comes out right, Its Anorexia in my head 24/7 talking to me. Reminding me over and over again how ive screwed up life and everyones around me. It doesnt have its own voice, Its my voice. but its her/it. i dont know anymore. I cant get away from it. I want to just have silence for once... to walk down the street and to think like a normal person! not to hear this person in my head telling me people are looking at me, laughing, thinking nasty horrible things. Yet i deserve it all. .I deserve the abuse, the pain & hurt of starving, the headfuck of paranoia. 4years on and im still at the point i started at... only my head more like a tub of slodgy mess that no one could put back together. why am i still trying? maybe i should stop trying to fight with ana and just listen to it/her. Some of the best advice ive been given. ''Take a handful of pretty pills and down a bottle of vodka''. Whos here to stop me? Im home alone most of the time so by the time anyone gets back from work/college... ill be long gone. Dont worry, ill try not to make a mess.
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